My Write Side

Phoenix Rising

| 28 Comments

April 15, 2006

There were fifteen pictures left and spare flashbulbs in her pocket. The rumor of a phoenix sighting had drawn a lot of interest locally. She was determined to make her mark in history by capturing a photo of it.

She busied herself finding the best location in the abandoned house. The house itself was a small, one room abode. The windows had long since been knocked out and covered with boards. The paint both inside and out was peeling. A coating of dust covered the wood floor except for one spot.  Here was where the phoenix would rise, and she needed the right lighting for her shot. Slivers of sunlight slipped through two holes in the roof, making a perfect spot to set up the tripod.

She leaned back to survey her work. The camera crowned the tripod and was angled just precisely so. She sat down behind it and waited. It would not happen before sunset, of that she was certain. Unease crept over her as she thought of sitting alone in the darkened house, but it crumbled quickly as excitement mounted. The time was coming. Her bones told her it was true.

A tentative foot stretched towards the cleared section, as if testing. It landed firm and the other soon joined it. A few more steps and she stood in the clearing. A hum resonated from her throat and she began spinning, dancing, spinning. The fingers of her left hand twitched subtly every few seconds, in careful precision. A flash of light filled the room, banishing the shadows for a few seconds. Her eyes closed as a smile stretched across her face. Her body tingled, as if coming to life for the first time. Tears moistened her eyes.

Still she kept spinning. Dancing. Spinning.

She did not stop even after feathers replaced her skin. She danced even as the flames erupted, surrounding her whole body. Her hum turned to a gentle squawk. Her skin glowed brightly, the fire expanding, illuminating. Her wings fluttered briefly carrying her to the ceiling as one last flash lit the room, and the fire died. She tumbled back to earth, fresh ashes joining past ones, the only sign of her rebirth.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

April 15, 3006

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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We were challenged by Write on Edge this week to write up to 450 words inspired by the phoenix.

The 3 Word Wednesday challenged me to use unease, crumble, and drawn in a story. You will find all three of those above.

The first line of this story is the prompt from the Bloggy Mom’s Writer’s Workshop this week. It comes straight out of Kim Edwards The Memory Keeper’s Daughter. “There were fifteen pictures left and spare flashbulbs in her pocket.”

I’m always seeking constructive criticism. Won’t you please share your thoughts in a comment?

Thanks for stopping in!!

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Author: SAM

Author of fictions, SAM spends much of her free time living in alternate universes created by her own mind or others. When she's not writing, she mothers her 4 children, loves her husband, attends church, and neglects housework as often as possible.

28 thoughts on “Phoenix Rising

  1. sometimes the shedding and rebirth is the part you need most of all, I love how she smiled as it happened. It felt real and right for her to do that.

    this will be a good short story, lots of avenues to explore.

  2. so much mystery left in the story – was she the phoenix? or did the phoenix just consume her in its rebirth? beautiful story

  3. I really enjoyed each of the details you crafted into the piece: the extra flashbulbs, the dancing. I’d like to see it as a short story, too. I think there could be something really beautiful about expanding it.

  4. Wow… her transformation was captured beautifully. Awesome piece!

  5. The description of the transformation is spot on.

  6. That was completely unexpected! I wanted to clap when I first realized what was going on. Also, I absolutely enjoyed the image of a woman dancing and spinning as opposed to the traditional “bird bursting into flames”. Very well played.

  7. Ooh… I like the answer you gave to Carrie, that perhaps she was the phoenix all along, and was drawn back to that place to be reborn…

    • That was the intent behind the story..the twist, if you will. Apparently it wasn’t as clear as I thought it would be. I like the various views though.

      Thanks for stopping in, Amy!

  8. Well done! I love how you added the newspaper at the end of the story to end it. I can’t decide if I think the piece should be explored a little more, as I can see fleshing bits out more, or left as is, as I do think it does stand well on its own right now. Great job!

    • Any endingI came up with just didn’t’ seem to fit. It was quite challenging actually to find the right ending, though the story was complete. Thanks for reading!

  9. I find the phoenix a very interesting creature. I was quite exciting…”spinning, dancing, spinning”

    I wondered (rather hoped) from the first line of the second paragraph that she would take center stage. Very nicely done.

  10. I think this could be an interesting short story, expanded to explain a little more about how she was drawn to that place. It feels like there are missing connections between her being at that particular house and ultimately realizing she is the phoenix

    • Boo on the missing connections, LOL. Perhaps she knew from the beginning that she was the phoenix, returning to the place where it started to be reborn again.

  11. Oh, magic and enchantment. :-) Beautifully written. You did put together all of the prompts seamlessly.

    ~Imelda

  12. Nicely played, with all the prompts too! Very enchanting!

  13. I enjoyed reading this. The descriptive passage of the house is very evocative and the story ellipses nack into itself nicely. I like the way you included the apocryphal material as well in the added section. Nice.

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